is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
