Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
