also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
