mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
