So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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