i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
