am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
