After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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