it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
