Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
