You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
