Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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