dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
