I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
