Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
