East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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