i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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