blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
