Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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