I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
