I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I cut my penus on the lid.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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