So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
