Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize