im about as happy as oj after his trial
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
