Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
