the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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