You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
