well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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