that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
