I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
