if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
