Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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