My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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