This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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