I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
