Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
