when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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