I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
