My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When are your genitals available?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
