I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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