I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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