I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize