we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
