office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
