The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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