end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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