My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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