Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
