dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
