The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
