turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
