There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
