I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
