I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
