Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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