Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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