I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This is the high leading the old right now
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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