I can feel you judging me through the phone.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
