..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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