I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
