God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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