I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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