hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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