I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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