Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love you. Go after that dick
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
