No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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