If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
