I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
