Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
