Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
