you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize