would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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